“Forever Fading Away” (Part 24)

I bellowed in deep despair furious and frightened, so disappointed, so bewildered, so jaded to the point I was at the end of my tether. I was nonplussed that I could not say one word. Victimized by one’s own self, my mind made up such a preposterous story to match my current situation. My identities took over my life; they have ruined me and left me in a situation to wallow in broken memories, with no original authentic experience in wisdom, nature, love, or serenity. I have transformed into this unknown, losing myself as an independent being. The tears uncontrollably developed in a meticulous manner that my body ended up having a peculiar reaction. My breathing became rapid and shallow, I was viciously gasping for air. I can hear the commotion around me of everyone as the room starts to get dark. “Oh my god Lucy!” Latoya yelled out. “Everyone try to remain calm she’s just hyperventilating, we just need to gently talk her down, someone talk about your favorite times with her,” Dr. Shelton says. Then I hear Officer Puerile speak, “Oh Lucy, do you remember the first time went out on a date? We all double dated Latoya and Vincent wanted to check out this new club downtown, you were so timid you kept calling me Officer Puerile. We talked for hours on end that is until Latoya and Vincent ruined the party wanting to leave.” I hear Officer Puerile speak as I became weak, my body felt as if it was sinking down and all the life was being dragged out of it, and the room fades into this thick darkness and everyone’s voices become more of an echo drowning out into no sound at all. 

The darkness changes to a grayish light then it gets even lighter like I’ve stumbled into some sort of tunnel. I can see something as I walk towards the end. It was two figures in the light one smaller than the other, shaped like normal human beings. As I came closer, the light transformed into my old bedroom and one of the figures was my mother and she was sitting at the edge of my bed reading to a little girl. “Hi Lucy, don’t be scared it’s me Jessica, you’re in a memory of us when mommy use to read us the book about dreams, come and sit with us. Tears instantly formed in the wells of my eyes as they focused in upon her. I haven’t seen my mother in over twenty seven years. “Mommy?!?” I cried out. “Oh Lucy, sweetie I’m so sorry I couldn't be there, I’m sorry I couldn't help you when you needed your mother. I wish I could undo what has been done.” And at that moment falling into her arms, I felt protected safe and loved, and I haven’t felt that way in a very long time. We laid on the bed Jessica my mother and me, holding each other until Jessica and my mom fell into an eternal sleep.  

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